The Mindful Merchant

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Oh Canada June 25, 2010

Filed under: Canada,children,family,holidays,stupidity,writers block — MindfulMerchant @ 12:00 pm


images Think back to the this past winter Olympics…a time when Canada experienced a swell of patriotism. Wasn’t it great?  I love Canada. It is not perfect…but the more I travel and read, I appreciate this beautiful country.

My brother and sister-in-law live in the United States. Our nieces and nephew have dual citizenship…but I thought of them as more Canadian until the Olympics came along. You can imagine our surprise when brother-in-law informed us their children wanted the the U.S. to defeat Canada  and win gold in men’s hockey. 

“Must be a bad connection J…it sounded like you just said the kids are cheering for the U.S.  (hahaha)  What’s that?  Oh…you’re not kidding…I see.”


So I sent them a ridiculous email…just ‘cause I love them and I was bored.   I came across the draft recently and thought I would post a modified version since it is Canada Day in a few days…and ‘cause I’m low on writing topics.

Dear J & T,



Out of concern for the welfare of our beloved nieces and nephew I would like to propose that during your next annual visit to Ottawa, we enrol the kiddies in an intensive crash Canadian Ed. program.


Some course options could include…



 Ode to the Maple – Tree tapping, boiling, trudging through Sugar Maple forests and 24 hours intravenous hydration of pure 100% Maple syrup.



 Gastro Delights – How to spot the best roadside blueberry pie or fresh corn stand 3 kms ahead.  If time allows, preparing the stomach for poutine, beavertails and maple taffy.



 The Dialect – Learn the correct intonation and application of “eh” and please…it is Zed not Zee.



 National Sports – Discover the pride that comes from being called a luger. Understand that men sweep and in Canada, we usually cheer a women charged with “2 minutes for hooking”.



Composting/Recycling 101   Grow beautiful gardens and lawns despite a municipal pesticide ban. If time permits…how to chase green bins and blue bins down windy/icy roads and resolve the 6:45am weekly curb side debate “Paper or plastic?”



Tim Hortons Toughen up skin sensitivity and hold a cup of coffee without a “sleeve”. Master the optimistic experience of rolling up the rim and learn what it means to want a “regular” every day.  Earn extra marks for greening it up – bring your own eco-friendly coffee cups.



beaver Canadian Currency  We value our loonies. Learn how to look rich by adding Canadian Tire money to your wallet.



Canadian Music Appreciation – Convincingly mouth the words to Oh Canada in English & French.  Study the chorus to The Good ‘ol Hockey Game and fill the gaps with hand claps and whoops. Learn the real lyrics to I’se the B’y and Canadian Railroad Trilogy.  Crash course on how to air guitar to Tom Sawyer.



Our National Treasures & Symbols  Special focus on The Beaver…and The Bieber. The industrious semi-aquatic rodent once prized for its pelt – the young teen pop sensation admired for his bangs.


We need to act quickly.  Canadian patriotism is difficult to retrieve once a person finds “aboot” and igloo/dog sled jokes amusing.  Please let us know if you are still coming so we can make arrangements.





Would you believe they didn’t visit us this spring?  Something to do with a sudden illness…very strange.

Happy 143th Canada!   Hope everyone has a safe, fun and relaxing Canada Day. 



15 Responses to “Oh Canada”

  1. Hehehe! Have a great Canada Day. I enjoyed reading your patriotic syllabus. May you have success in saving your nieces and nephews by the power of maple.

  2. Hello LGS! Thanks for laughing along. (FYI I do believe info re: squirrels is included as part of course material too!)

  3. carol Says:

    Had fun reading this article. Have a great Canada Day!

  4. Karen Says:

    I loved this!!! My favourite comment was about learning how to hold your Tim’s coffee without a sleeve and about knowing what it means to want a ‘regular’ everyday. Great post! Don’t you just love Canada, eh?

  5. Finola Says:

    Maybe they are going to pay you a surprise July 1st visit!
    I will be filing this post away because my niece lives in the US too. So far she is just 1 year old, but I may need your crash course one day if she too goes down the wrong road 🙂

  6. I hope your niece stays on the Canadian path…closely monitor that situation Finola.

  7. Awesome. I laughed loud and long at this list and will have to share it with my UK relatives, some of whom are so peeved at England’s loss to Germany in the World Cup, they just might move here:)

  8. Pauline Says:

    Happy (soon to be) Canada Day!! I also love Canada and hope that it continues to be one of the best countries in the world! 🙂

  9. Ode to the maple…. awesome. Love it!

    Confused about just one thing… isnt Canadian Tire money pure legal tender around here?

  10. XUP Says:

    They still have to go back and live with their American friends who would beat them up if they came back all Canadian

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